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Nov. 9th, 2009

Nothing Happened- Paperdolls

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Aug. 16th, 2009

Why are college books so damn expensive?!?

Well, college starts next week, and that means i have to have all seven of my textbooks by then. Each one I'm sure costs over $100!! that's like, $1000 bucks. Ugh I feel so horrible. I wish I had gone textbook searching earlier!! Then my dad would've had all the time in the world to look for cheap books. Nope. I'm a dumbfuck and didn't so now my parents have to spend so much fucking more than they could've. GHKLDHGLDSGHLSkd. :( Should dthis really upset me this much? I guess I'm just wishing I was a better and brighter daughter...fuck my life. I feel so guilty. Someone cheer me up. :(((

Apr. 27th, 2009



Alright so I went to a site some chick on this site linked to, and i found out that if I only eat 500 calories a day, (With my usual ddring) I can be 117 by the end of may/beginning of june.
Which would be super sweet.
Not as low as I want but that's alright!! :D 
By July 4th (My FAVORITE holiday!! :D I love summer <3) I should be in the low 100's.
Man I'm frekaing excited.
Hopefully that will give my motivation.
Today I failed because i found money in my bookbag and so i just HAD to buy a malley's chocolate bar x.x (310 cals) I pigged out a lot today too bahhhh.
Anyways bedtime i geuss? Acutally I have a math test to study for.
I'll post again tomorrow night. (Hopefully!!) 

Apr. 26th, 2009

So I'm a genius rite? xD

I've been researching diet pills and whatnot...and I've wanted to buy some from the grocery store. LIke herbs or something that replaces em...or hydroxycut but the store doesnt sell it i think. I've driven past the store twice...actually went IN the store (I needed to pick up some stuff for my rents for the bbq tonight) and i chickened out each time...I guess I feel like I'm gonna be judged...or my parents will see my car at the store and be "What were you at the store for?" Idk. I'm too paranoid x.x Maybe when I hang out with a friend next weekend I'll get some. I can hide it in my purse.

Anyway, so earlier today I decided to put a hairband around my arm to the point where my thumb and index finger can't wrap around it anymore. Like it's max point. It's a dumb idea...but I'll find out in a week whether I've gotten skinnier or not. xD

Oh, and I also decided to just totally cut out breakfast and lunch.
And I've skipped my period for two months. I haven't eaten out of the ordinary. And I certainly have not had sex! My friend said wait til next month and if i dont get it then get some birth control pills.
Ugh fuck that.
I'm never gonna get a husband, or have kids, or have sex.
So why would I care whether I skipped a couple of periods?
One less thing to worry about lololol? 

Anyway, off to...idk. Do something productive? Ha. Probably not.

Apr. 14th, 2009

oh what a nighttt do do dooo doo dododododooooooooooo

so ive been noticing that i havent been snacking a whole lot the past few days, which is awesome. :) 
I did eat a 500 calorie rabbit today though >.<
anddd. hm what else did i snack on? 
3 reeses pieces...i would like to say thats it
for meals i had a 220 oatmeal to go bar thingy for breakfast, bolgona sandwich (400 cal) for lunch...2 glasses of chocolate milk...and then pasta and 2 buttered rolls for dinner.

i'm quite proud of myself.
idk if im losing weight though.
it dun feel like i am :( 
i think im actually gaining weight, which scares me.
my biggest fear is that i'mma find myself in size 20 or some shit and be looking bakc and going "Fuck i really messed it all up".
ya know? like i never noticed that i gained weight until i get to the extreme.
I need a miracle.

Apr. 12th, 2009


my computer has no sound...because my dad wiped the harddrive and e drive a week ago, and he hasnt put the sound card in
and then im too afraid to install java or whatever in because im afraid imma cause another virus. my dad has wiped the harddrive (including recent time) 3 times in the past 6 months. Argh. theres nothing to do on the comp really cept read forums and lj...ugh. what a sucky spring break. T.T 
i dont even get to listen to music. imma explode

in other news, i didnt eat a lot today. i just wasnt hungry.  

Apr. 11th, 2009


So i ate kinda a lot today. over 1000 cals. I'm not hungry becuase my dad made chicken wings...and then popcorn afterwards. You can only guess what it smells like together. x.x
that's about it really. I'm afraid i'll eat so much tomorrow...but who knows. maybe i wont be hungry.
I'm working on a jigsaw puzzle....1000 piece one. it's coming alone really well. I'd say i'm about halfway-if more- finished. I'm so excited.
Anyway, off to watch Bones. :) 

Apr. 10th, 2009

Houston, we have a problem.

All diets are failing. Ugh. :( I really want to try diet pills...just to see what they will do. I'm hoping to hang out with my friend on Monday, maybe i can get away with buying some then. I'm at 131.0.
Not even close to what i wa s fearing it would be. I can get in the 120's easily!!! (Or i hope anyway)
I hope to take this spring break as a time to just get everything straightened out. I wanna lose soem weight before going back to school again!! 
Also there's prom. I don't have a date y et, and im not really pushing for one. It'd just be nice to get ready anyway. I started DDR'ing again in MONTHS two or three days ago.
I love it. :) 

Apr. 1st, 2009

Hiya!!! :D

Alright so i'm trying to eat less, and i started my diet 2 days ago. Last night i decided to have some corn chips and pop. (Not health, i know) and i took two handfulls, ate em, had some pop, and felt SO FULL. it was SOOO weird! I've never felt full from 2 handfuls of corn chips. Wack. I kept eating hte chips anyway until i felt like i was gonna puke em up...which i acutally tried doing. I couldn't. I just can't do what purgers do...i guess i'm thankful for that. :) 
Ummm what else? Some bitch from physics started saying shit about me RIGHT in front of me!! It was unbelievable. She's like 'So I LOVE how one person in our group hasn't done ANYTHING all year!" and i didnt say anything abck...because it was true. I hate making excuses but i'm ridiculously shy!! It's hard for me to work in groups. I LOVE working alone though. Ugh. Only 9 more weeks of the labs...:( 
Anyway, life's going good besides physics and the dieting...well. Dieting is going good too but i really wish i didnt eat the chips yesterday. Oh well, lesson learned. :3

Mar. 3rd, 2009

Instead of eatintg candy...

I'll just eat a bowl of cereal! It's a lot more filling and less calories.
Ugh I'm so glad i have THAT problem solved. :P
Oh and because i've been pigging out my weight hasn't gone down...but it hasn't gone up either.
it's been at a steady 130.4 for like a week. 
just imagine what it could be without all that junk food oh man @.@  

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